At my apartment in Wisconsin, a lot of things went down that would range from fun and entertaining to inappropriate and offensive. And yet some were just embarrassing and unforgivable.

One of my roommates happened to be seeing a girl we’ll call Leslie.  She sure was a lot of fun in a lot of different ways.  Almost like one of the guys.  For a long time I considered her a great friend.  She never seemed to mind hearing about all my drunken conquests or listening to all my sick and twisted jokes.  In fact, she actually seemed intrigued by most of it.  It was kind of like she just got me.  And I’ll have to admit one thing was for sure…she was a frikkin blast to party with!  There was never a dull moment with her!

No doubt, under different circumstances, I would’ve definitely slept with Leah.  But she was seeing my roommate/good friend and they really seemed happy together and seemed to enjoy one anothers company immensely.  At times it became almost pathetic at the way they lusted over one another leaving only one question to mind…”How long can this actually go on?”  Several times I almost puked in my mouth.

Throughout my memoirs Leslie and “Don” will actually get several honorable mentions during the drunk debauchery, the girl on girl action, the all or nothing after bar sexcapades, and all the other seemingly random moments late into the hours of the night.

Leslie had often flirted with me and I would often flirt right back, but it was harmless as far as I was concerned.  She belonged to someone else. But sometimes I felt like she meant it more than she was willing to admit too.  Maybe it was the seductive, predatorial look in her eyes.  She didn’t seem to have a lot of morals or boundaries.  On more than one occasion she actually approached me after her and Don finished their business together.  To me that seemed like the most awkward time to approach another person for sex of any kind.  Her nonchalance wasn’t so subtle though.  It usually unfolded like this…

Loud noises are omitting from the bedroom for any amount of time.  Noises cease for a few minutes until the door finally opens and the smell of stale cigarette smoke and sex begin to linger throughout the apartment.  Leslie walks out alone in nothing but her (usually black and lacey) panties.  She was usually holding a cigarette with one hand and a watered down drink in the other and her hair was always a mess.  That was a shame too because she sure did have beautiful, long brown hair.  But it was still somewhat attractive to me, the hair thing, that is.  Also, her opening and closing line were usually the same as well.  “Heeyyy Haaaarold!  You ready for some of this good pussy?”  And my response was always the same, “No Leslie, but thanks anyways.”  It was actually kind of comical most of the time.  Don didn’t seem to mind either.  We laughed about it together a few times.  After all, it was pretty much a free for all at our place after the sun went down.  On more than one occasion he personally invited me to take part in their curriculars, but I had enough of my own thing going on back then.  I would never have expected them to get married one day.

The last night I actually remember her making a drunk, sloppy pass on me will be a situation I’ll never forget.  It’s actually one of the most disturbing moments I ever shared with her.  It went down like this…

I was in the kitchen around 3:30am cooking steak.  The usually predictable events were unraveling when Leslie stepped out of the bathroom topless and in her usual black lace panties holding a drink and smoking a cigarette.  Her hair was a complete disaster and she obviously didn’t care.  She had that look in her eyes.  Mischief is what it was.  She was shit faced and sexy as hell.  She barely made eye contact with me though.  She was actually appeared to be turned on by looking at herself at this point.  She gyrated her hips a few times in a very provocative manner.  After a few seconds of a one sided dirty dance she finally popped the big question…

Leslie asked me “Whats up H?”

I was trying to ignore her nudity, but it wasn’t easy.  I responded “Not much Leslie, how about yourself?”

“Just thought I come and see if you’re ready for some of this yet…” she said.

Provokingly I asked “Some of what?”

She immediately came back with a naughty smile and points to her nether region and says “Some of my good, juicy pussy!”

“No Leslie, but thanks anyways.” I said.

“Why not Harold?” she asked.  “Don’t you think I’m sexy?”

I did think she was sexy.  But I saw something she obviously didn’t notice in the bathroom.  So I told her in my most casual voice possible “I have two reasons for you girl.  First off I put my heart and soul into this big, fat steak.  And second off, I’m not positive, but it looks like you have Dons nut running down your leg.  Thanks anyways, though.”  Then I smiled and turned my back to her to once again concentrate on the meal I had been preparing.  But not before I saw her freeze up and look down to see that I was right.  There was a considerably noticeable amount of semen on her inner thigh.  Seems like my friend Don had made a large deposit inside Leslie and gravity was making a small withdrawal.  As grossed out as I was, I pretended to not be bothered by this incident, but inside my head was one big question, “What the fuck is going on around here?!”

She apologized out of pure shame and embarrassment and raced back into the bedroom.  No doubt she was horrified!  A few minutes later Don came out of the room with a smirk on his face.  It wasn’t long before we were actually both laughing hysterically at this situation.  Even better yet, after a few more minutes Leslie came back out and laughed right beside us.  And that’s why I liked her so much.  In the end, she was unfazed by the whole mishap and it would only make her even more flamboyant in the whole.  After that she continued to shock us more and more…..