One evening in Wisconsin, while working a special event at the local bar, I would have yet another strange and hilarious series of events.  I noticed as the evening was progressing, so was the abundance of beautiful Midwestern girls.  After several hours of pacing behind the bar and making trips to the basement freezer, I took notice in one girl who had taken notice of me.   She was relentless in her eyeballing and every time I caught her stare, her eyes said one thing and one thing only…”Fuck me.”

I approached her cautiously because I had also noticed she was traveling with a male companion.   His eventual and inevitable trip to the men’s room boosted my confidence level.  The moment he stepped away I made my move.

As I walked up to her I asked “Do you like what you see?”

She had a dumbfounded expression on her face. “What?” she asked innocently.

“You’ve been staring at me all night.  So?  Do you like what you see or not?”

“I see everything I like!”

I was ready to see how far this was going to go.  I couldn’t waste a lot of time on one girl if I wanted to land an after bar date.  I decided to go for it.

“You know at some point your boyfriend is probably going to get upset that you’re paying more attention to me than him” I said.

“He’ll get over it, he always does” she said as she smiled at me through her long eyelashes.

I remember thinking “Wow, this girl is really naughty!”

Now, usually this would be against my own morals, but the sudden thrill of this situation as a whole excited me.  Once again I decided to push forward.

“What exactly does that mean” I asked her.

“It means I do what I want.  I’m not his property.”

“What exactly is it that you want to do?”

That’s when she showed me her tongue was pierced.  She did it in a really creepy and suggestive manner.  She started flicking her tongue at me like a snake or a dirty old pervert.  She obviously was neither of those things so I found it odd.  Very odd.

“So, what’s your name?” I asked.

“Julie” she responded.

“Well Julie, first off could you never flick your tongue at me ever again?  Or anybody else for that matter?  Ever?  It was very odd.  And, by the way, they just call me ‘H’ or ‘Big H’ around here”

She was not fazed by my smart remark.  She was smiling like an arsonist with a book of matches.  No doubt, mischief was in the air.

“So, Julie, you got a phone number or what?” I asked her.

“I’ll get it to ya” she said as she winked at me, took a very provocative drink from her straw and turned and walked away.  Her boyfriend was now on his way back from the men’s room.  I was very excited at the potential fun I could have with Julie.  She was a player in this game and I respected that.

For the next hour she blatantly eyeballed me.  It was actually quite uncomfortable for me at times because she was sitting right next to her boyfriend, but showing him very little attention at all.  It was obvious to him and probably most of the patrons sitting at the bar that she had one person and one thing on her mind and it wasn’t him.  In fact, whenever she made any attempts to show her attention she would repel him with dirty looks then immediately smile in my direction.  She wanted him to know.   I think this was sort of her attempt at starting a fight with him in hopes that he would just leave the party.  This was all effortless on my part.  I was just doing my job as security and bar back.  It felt great, too.

At this point, I’d like to add that Julie had stunning blue eyes, dark brown hair and a smile that could be found on a Colgate box.  And it didn’t stop there.  She also had the body to match-huge tits and a beautiful ass.  She was gorgeous.

Eventually, her boyfriend became so angry and jealous that he escaped to the back deck with the rest of the losers at the bar.  That’s when she became a bad, bad girl.

Julie approached me with a powerful question right then.  “Who are you taking home with you tonight?”

“Probably just myself, babe” I said.

“Why?” she asked.

“Why not?”  I fired back.

“Well, how about giving me your number and maybe I’ll come over later” she said.

“And then what?” I asked.

“Oh, I think you know what” she said.

“No, I don’t, why don’t you tell me” I said provokingly.

“I’ll come over and we can fuck like animals all night” she whispered in my ear.

I taunted her a little more.  “And that’s all?”

Still whispering in my ear she said “I’ll give you the best blowjob you’ve ever had in your entire life.”

“I don’t know” I said, “I’ve had some pretty amazing blowjobs in my days.”

“Well, you haven’t had one from me and mine are the best” she said.

Who was I to argue any further?  “Well, I guess we’ll have to see then, right?”

I had to get back to work.  I was paying this girl entirely too much attention.  I slid my phone number to her.  She seemed very pleased and carried a look of confidence with her from that point on.  If I didn’t know better I would’ve guessed that Julie’s panties had a wet spot for me!  She was willing to stop at nothing to get what she wanted on this night.  Before I walked back behind the bar I asked her to calm down a little bit and be tasteful and respectful in her approach.  After all, we weren’t trying to offend anybody.

For the next 20 minutes or so I did my job like I usually would’ve.  At some point, Julie must’ve seen me talking to some other girl and felt threatened.  She came up to me and felt she needed to remind me of a) how horny she was and b) how badly she wanted me.

“You didn’t forget about me did you?” she asked.

“How could I forget about you, Julie?” I asked back.

“You better not!  I know after you get some of MY good pussy you never will!” she spouted.

I’d like to mention here that the last time a female said that to me I ended up with gonorrhea!  She was starting to make me nervous!  I simply smiled and asked “Oh yeah?!”

Then, she squeezed her tits together until they started to spill out of her shirt and her cleavage seemed deep and endless.  “Look at these.  You like these?  They’re double D’s and they’re as real as they can get!”

My smart mouth kicked up instinctively again.  “Holy shit!  Do you kiss you mother with that mouth?” I asked her.

“How would you like to titty fuck these?” she asked.

As turned on as I was, I was also trying to keep my job so I tried to back her off again.  I said “Come on Julie, do you know how hard it is to work with a hard on?”

Her mischievous smile turned into a deathly serious look as she asked me “Oh my god, do you seriously have a hard on?”

“Actually, Yes I do.” I said

“Can I feel it?  Let me just touch it real quick.”

“Are you serious right now?” I asked.

“Pleeaasse….” She begged.

She was serious.  I figured what the hell.  I motioned for her to follow me down to the end of the bar at the service entrance.  I put her hand on the crotch of my holey blue jeans and she just went crazy with what I assume was pure lust.  She quickly shoved one hand down the front of my jeans and started jacking me off in front of about a hundred unsuspecting partiers.  Her free hand eventually made its way to my balls as she started rubbing and groping them also.  I couldn’t believe we were getting away with this.  It was so obvious.  After just a few moments of this petting, her eyes rolled back in her sockets and she threw her head back.  Her mouth was agape exposing that perfectly beautiful set of teeth.  It occurred to me then that this girl, Julie, was having a full blown orgasm from all this!  I, too, was thoroughly excited, but I was always told to leave them wanting more so instead of nutting all over her hands and myself I decided to play it cool and walk away.  “Gotta go, babe” I said as I smiled and once again, went back to work.

I had definitely frustrated her.  She leaned against the wall with a pouty discontent face.  There was just nothing I could do for her at this point.

The rest of the night went pretty normal.  Julie and her boyfriend left shortly after our little episode.  I didn’t see them leave, but when I noticed that they were gone I just kind of figured she needed him to try to finish what I had accidentally started.

The night seemed to last forever.  I was exhausted at the end of the shift.  In fact, I had decided that after cleaning up the trashed bar I’d make my way home alone and internet porn would be completely sufficient for the evening. (Internet porn is great for so many reasons.  It only lasts as long as you want it to.  There are no cuddling, no uncomfortable goodbyes in the end.  This list could get real long so I’ll just leave it at that.)   Besides, after a few other girls witnessed mine and Julie’s mutual attraction, I guess they just figured I was spoken for because I got no other offers.

So, by now, I’m at home watching internet porn.  Probably fisting lesbians or some crazy shit like that because I happen to see the amazing principles of such physical feats.  Plus, I guess I’m just sick like that.  All of a sudden my phone rings.  It’s 3:30 am and I’m really not expecting any phone calls, but I answer it anyways…

“Hello?” I asked.

Voice: “What are you doing?”

Not knowing who was on the other line I decided to tell the shocking truth.  “I’m looking at some internet porn.”

Voice: “Where do you live?”

“Who is this?” I asked.

“It’s Julie.” The voice responded.

“Oh, hi…I wasn’t expecting to hear from you so soon.  I live right by the bar” I told her.

“Well, I just happen to be right by the bar right now, so, telling me where you are.  Flash your lights or something.” she commanded.

“I’ll flash my porch light when you tell me where your boyfriend is” I said.

She told me with a bitter arrogance “I purposely started a fight with him so I could come and see you.  Don’t worry, he thinks I’m staying at a friend’s house.” she said.

“That’s crazy!” I laughed out loud.  “I’ll have you know that I have rules about girls with boyfriends!”

“Well,” she said, “You seem like a rule breaker to me, you ready to make an exception tonight?”

“Well, you are already here.  I’ll flash the light.  Just come up the steps and come in.”

It wasn’t more than a few minutes until I heard her footsteps coming up the stairs and she presented herself in my living room doorway.   I immediately noticed she had on a t-shirt instead of the low cut dress shirt she had on earlier that evening.

I didn’t even try to hide what I was doing.  I had a double martini in one hand and a mouse in the other as I surfed filthy websites after hours.  She then asked the million dollar question…

“What are you doing?”

Why lie?  With a serious look on my face I said “Checkin’ out some porn.”

“Can I watch with you?” she asked.

“I guess I can’t see any harm in that.” I told her.

Then she said “I have a better idea.  How about if I suck your dick while you watch that?”

I thought this was a fantastic idea!  As I gracefully nodded my head to agree, she knelt down on the floor.  This was hot.  I sat down my drink and reached for a cigarette.  At that moment in time I was living a dream, maybe even a fantasy.  I was king of my own little world.

For the record, turns out she actually was great at giving head!  She deserved an award or some kind of recognition for her talents!  We were both thoroughly excited about the occurring events.  It didn’t last long.  I came swiftly. I just couldn’t contain it any longer.  That didn’t stop her, though.  She was relentless.  She wouldn’t stop.  She couldn’t stop.  She was hungry.

It didn’t take long for my erection to return.  We went to my bed where she quickly pulled down the neckline of her t-shirt and her huge, beautiful breasts fell out.  They were a rare set and I was happy that they were in my face for this night.  I stripped naked and laid back on my bed.  With her eyes closed she explored every remote part of my body-all of it.  How exciting?!  I let her go for 10-15 minutes before I became so worked up I decided to give back a little bit.  This is when it gets a little funky…

I rolled Julie over onto her back.  I removed her jeans and panties, but left her t-shirt on.  Something about the ways her tits were hanging out of it turned me on that much more.  After I removed her panties I went down on her to repay her favor.  That’s when it hit me-a horrifying odor that can only be described as cat piss.  I was almost sick to my stomach.  Being the risk taker that I am, I decided to suck it up.  Plus I’m kind of a sick bastard.  However, I decided not to go through with the oral, but I was going to have sex with her.

I got into a top position and just as I was about to insert myself she said to me “Don’t come inside of me.”

I thought “No shit?!”  Aloud I actually think I said “Sure, no problem” like some kind of informal business proposition.  If that wasn’t awkward enough, she immediately followed up with “and could you try not to get any on this shirt?  It’s my boyfriend’s.”

Are you fucking serious?  That’s what I’m thinking at that point.  I was adamant then to make this a good memory by making that shirt a target!  Why?  Because sometimes I’m an idiot and I happened to find that idea hilarious!  I could hardly keep from laughing as the upcoming events played through my head over and over like a blooper reel.

We frolicked in the sheets for some time before I finally felt my moment of opportunity coming.  I pulled out and rubbed my shaft against her pelvic area until it finally happened.  I threw not one, but three steady streams of cum that not only hit directly on the t-shirt, but also on her face, in her hair and by some miraculous act of a higher power, some even cleared her head completely!  Awesome.  Just awesome.

At first she just wiped her face with her hands to clear some of the mess.  Then she cleaned her fingers by sucking on them.  I’m not sure how well that was actually working, but none the less, that’s about when she noticed the spill on her boyfriend’s t-shirt.

“Uh-oh!  Oh no!” she said as she panicked and started rubbing the t-shirt.  She was actually making it worse by smearing it in.  I couldn’t hold back my laughter.  This moment was priceless.  I only had one wish at that point and that was for a witness because nobody was going to believe this shit!  In all fairness she came to a spot where I think she pretty much said “Fuck it.”

I was still laughing about it when I got up to go wash the cat piss smell off my dick.  I wasn’t gone long, but when I got back I found her gone.  I appreciated that immensely, but I kind of felt bad.  She didn’t take time to look in a mirror or anything before she split.  I don’t think she realized that was cum in her dark brown hair that stuck out pretty bad.  I threw around the idea of calling her and warning her so at least she’d be prepared for all of her boyfriend’s questions.  It didn’t take long for me to come to my senses and just finish my drink, have a cigarette and head to sleep.  Sorry Julie.  I never saw or heard from her again.